Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Blog 4 - Savagery Or Our Real Lives

On one of those early mornings, I saw a mirage of people on top of the water. The afternoon heat was blinding and prickling our skin as we lay gathering fruits from the forest and lack of sleep at night. Most of the boys are scared during the night because some of the kids talked about the Beastie and whimpered at night. At night, it's so dark that it is so hard to even see your hand a few feet away, even when the moon is out. The wind shuffling the leaves make people think that the Beastie is coming out from the forest. I wonder if there's really a Beastie in the forest.

I sat there and talked to Piggy. We just talked about our order in the small civilizations we were trying to make, but then I see a small grey thing just in the middle of the ocean. I go speachless and stop talking. I then raise my hand up to point and I said, "Ship! Ship! Ship!" Once I said that everyone stopped to look to where I was pointing. There were some people that thought incredulously and said, "No! I don't see no ship! That is preposterous Ralph!" But yet I stood staring and staring until I moved and saw an opalescent ocean. When one of the boys saw it he made a shrill noise. Once he made the noise it snapped me into my senses. I turned around and saw that the fire was out and that there was no smoke. So I ran as fast as I could and kept on going without even looking back. When I got to the top Simon and Piggy were right behind me. When I stood there I thought I started to hear a chant. The hunters had captured a pig. I was to consumed with anger that I didn't even smile or say congratulations. What they were saying was irrelevant to the fact that I saw a ship that could have taken us home. Jack was just being malevolent towards Piggy. The implication that Jack put to Piggy's face wasn't that hard but yet made a sound I could not forget within the few minutes I was still on the mountain. I just wanted to punch him straight in his face and then I did. I punched him in the nose and he bleed.

3 comments:

Mr. Shaddox said...

Sheryl,

I enjoyed your description of daily life on the island in the opening paragraph. Your speculation about the beastie revealed Ralph's doubts.

REVSION: Take a look at your second paragraph. I see tense disagreements between many of the verbs. Your narrative is in past tense. Therefore, all sentences should use past tense verbs (was, walked, talked, saw, etc.) Please fix these disagreements.

Anonymous said...

I fixed most of the tenses but im not sure I got all of them.
Thank you for the kind comment! :]

Emma Christenfeld said...

Sheryl-
Very descriptive. I'm glad you fixed the comment error. I like how you describe what happens before they see the ship. Great job.